Greatest Mistake

Okay:

I am impulsive, irresponsible and inconsiderate.

There, I said it.

As you may have ascertained, I did not wake up in the best of moods this morning. Whenever I have serious lapses in judgement it is particularly jarring because I know thirty is right around the corner. I don't want to be one of those stereotypical black thirty-year-old boys. So I'm trying to do away with those old habits of impulsivity and the like. This is going somewhere.

As it goes, my mother and stepfather went to Vegas for a few days. While they were away, I borrowed some things: laundry detergent, juice, bread. When they returned, they discovered that there door was not properly locked and some household items were missing.

My mother called me late last night.

MOM: Claude, did you take my laundry detergent?

[I was immediately transported back to junior high school.]

ME: Yes.
MOM: Well, the housekeeper came today and she didn't have any detergent to do the laundry and now we don't have any clean clothes.
ME: I had no idea you all were coming back today. I was going to return it or replace it.
MOM: And you took some soda water. Three bottles.
ME: Two bottles.
MOM: Three bottles. And you left the door wide open.
ME: I made sure to lock the door.
MOM: We pushed it right open. It wasn't locked at all.
ME: I'm sorry. I thought I made sure.
MOM: Your stepfather wants his keys back. You can't handle the responsibility. You stepped way over your boundaries. You cannot come to our house and go shopping and then leave the door wide open. Anything could have happened. Do you have any idea how disturbing it is to come home in the middle of the night after a trip to an unlocked door?
ME: I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking.
MOM: It was disrespectful and inconsiderate. Bring our key back.
ME: Yes, ma.

Well.

What can I say? No defense for any of that. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And I'm positive I double checked to make sure I locked the door properly. As far as the borrowed items, it didn't seem like a big deal until she explained it to me. But that's how lapses in judgement work. It never seems like a big deal until you have to face the music.

It wasn't the first time I had left their door improperly locked. Maybe the third. And it wasn't the first time I "borrowed" household items. Just the first time it caused a major ruffle in their daily routine.

I had some trouble sleeping after that, as I always do after major lapses in judgement.


One time when I was in junior high school I let my sister shave my head with a disposable razor. When I asked her about astringent she said, "No, I think it may sting too much." To days later I had the worst case of razor burn on the back of my neck ever known to man. It was so bad I had to walk around wearing a silk scarf to keep the air from hitting it.

One year later, I let her do it again. The same exact thing happened.


One time in high school I skipped school and invited a young lady over. As I lay in the sitting room naked and draped over my mother's green velvet couch, I heard keys in the door. The young lady was in the bathroom upstairs. I rushed to gather up our clothes into a pile. It was my mother. She had brought someone home to give her an estimate on redoing her windows. When she walked in, there I was, naked, holding a pile of clothes with a pair of little pink panties on top.


When I was in college, my mother bought me a 1989 Pontiac Grand Am. It was a good car. I came home for break and my cousin noticed that I was leaking oil. Not knowing the significance of such a thing I hopped on the highway the next day to return to school without even thinking about it. Somewhere in Virginia, I cracked the engine block. Shit was bone dry.


When I was in college, I slept with a young lady and didn't protect myself. Nine months later my daughter was born. Greatest Mistake I Ever Made.

From this particular lapse in judgement, everything that is good in my life was created.

So I guess little fuck ups like this are necessary in a way. It's how we grow. While I am ashamed for being this old and making such an adolescent error, who knows what this may lead to?

Who knows?


Thanks for reading

GO OBAMA!

Tip of the Day: Don't shave your head with a disposable razor.