Something Is Fishy Here

Okay:

I recently went out with a few friends of mine to a happy hour in some hoity toity bistro just outside of Georgetown. The group was pretty much split in half gender-wise.

Now, this is no attempt to critique the character of our female companions, (both of whom I love dearly) but merely to understand certain behaviors.

I love black women.

I have a black mamma, a black grandmamma, 2 black sisters, a gang of black aunts, a black niece, etc., etc.

Salt of the earth as far as I'm concerned. And they are varied as the colors in the rainbow in terms of personality and temperment.

Having said all of that, I do have some questions/concerns.

If I hadn't seen this type of thing more than once, I wouldn't bring it up. If I hadn't seen it more than a few times in similar contexts, I wouldn't bring it up.

Here comes our waiter. A young wiry Latin American fellow, short on manners and obviously very busy. It happens. They can't all be overcome with joy to run for your drinks and napkins. But because he did not approach the table with a big gay Broadway musical smile, it set a certain tone. This is the part he played.

The beautiful black woman to my left asked, "Hey, what's in the tempura shrimp?"

The waiter replied with a pause and a slight smirk, "Shrimp."

Well, that was all it took. Her night was ruined, and she was not going to suffer in silence. She did that whole chastise-you-to-someone-else-but-loud-enough-for-you-to-hear thing.

"He's an asshole," she said to me, her back turned to him, "I know it has shrimp in it. I can read. I just needed him to explain the dish to me. That is his job, right?"

He was standing just 2 feet away and could most certainly hear everything she was saying. Poor guy. Was he a bit of a prick? Yes. And that's coming from someone who used to wait tables. So maybe he deserved a little heat.

Moving on.

The beautiful black woman to my right said, "It smells like fish in here."

The one to my left chimed in, "I didn't want to say anything, but it does stink."

"Girl, it's like day-old seafood or something. It's not supposed to smell this strong. Something ain't right."

As it turned out, we were in a seafood restaurant. But it was a little fishier than it should have been.

Moving on again.

We were soon joined by another beautiful black woman. She sat and talked for a while and her sisters told her all about fishy smell and the rude waiter. Then she remarked, "Well, I have been sitting here for a while and he hasn't offered me a drink."

It was true. He hadn't offered her a drink.

Then it was time to go, and everyone wanted separate checks. It took us almost twenty minutes to itemize the receipt. I'm almost certain he received a remarkably small tip.

My question/concern is not whether there is something innate in my sisters that makes them complain so. Because, of course, not all of them are the same. However, I have noticed similar behavior in sisters from different regions, different economic backgrounds, etc. etc. Enough so that it begs the question: what came first? the chicken or the egg?

That is, have sisters acquired such a widely known reputation for being difficult to please, that people don't even try anymore? Do people see black women coming, suck their teeth and sigh, and just prepare to not be good enough?

Did that waiter see all those sisters sitting at our table and make up his mind that he was not going to be attentive because no matter how hard he ran, they would find something to complain about and would not compensate him appropriately? Was the waiter rude to my homegirl because he had already mentally prepared himself to be belittled and had unconsciously taken an offensive stance? Did the hostess see them coming and tell the kitchen cooks to put yesterday's fish on the grill in the hopes of driving them out with funk?

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Because if any of those things are even partially true, then this is a perpetual cycle if nothing else. One feeds the other. The preconception feeds the behavior which feeds the stereotype which feeds the preconception which feeds the behavior.

But what came first?

Your thoughts?


Thanks for reading.

GOBAMA!

JOIN THE BLACK BROADWAY ONLINE COMMUNITY
http://www.blackbroadway.ning.com

Factoid: Black women are the least likely ethnic/gender group in this country to get married. Isn't that fucked up?