Getting Stronger

Okay:

So, I took the doctor's orders and slept in today. I apologize for the late post.

In case you've been worried sick about me all weekend, I feel a whole lot better. Almost 100% now.

I drank a lot of tea. A shit load of tea actually. This charming little Jasmine Orange Blossom stuff I picked up at an organic food store. If I have to drink one more cup of this shit, I think I'm going to bludgeon myself.

I hate Jasmine Orange Blossoms, and I hope they all whither and die.

I'd go down on Star Jones for some good old fashioned Lipton.


I also gargled with warm salt water a lot. Every other hour or so. I know that sounds exciting, but, trust me, this too gets old quickly.


And then there were the lozenges.

The lozenges. The lozenges. The lozenges.

I went threw a big old house bag of those fucking things. I was popping them every few minutes or so. Like a junkie.

I remember waking up in a NyQuil-induced stupor, stumbling around in the dark, grunting like Frankenstein, looking for my bag of Ricolas.

Now, those things never get old. I've never had much of a sweet tooth, but they're actually quite delicious. I may just keep a bag around the house from now on, should the craving hit me unexpectedly.

And perhaps a small bag in the car.

And at the office.


Then there was my impotent little cheap humidifier. Apparently, it's very important to keep the air moist whenever you're having eyes, ears or throat issues. Dry heat can really exacerbate the situation.

So I broke out my humidifier, which I know for a fact does not work. But like a lazy cousin, I keep it around anyway, in the hopes that it may one day live up to its potential. But for now, all it does it make a lot of noise.

A lot of noise.

It's something like a gurgling stream, except horrible. Like, if a gurgling stream were, like, homicidally insane, it would be my humidifier.

Just imagine the most cacophonous sound you've ever heard and multiply it by ten, and that would be my humidifier just getting warmed up.

It's a wonder I haven't disposed of it yet.

I think it's, like, possessed or something. And I'm, like, it's slave so it won't let me throw it away. It hypnotizes me with it's horrible gurgling and sends me subliminal messages to go kill people.

And when I get well, watch out...


Thanks for reading.


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Innocent Question: I had a few friends stop by to offer their get-well wishes. But instead of tea and/or soup, everyone brought alcohol. What's that about?