Those Who Teach...

Okay:

So, believe it or not, I am the dumbest member of my family. The runt of the litter.

This does not make me dumb, so to speak. See, everyone in my family is super intelligent and well-educated. My sister is an MBA. My stepfather is a CPA. My mother has 2 MAs. I'm the only moron with out any initials after his name.

I tried grad school. Wasn't a good fit for me.

The going theory is that I did too many drugs in high school and college. "I think you may have smoked your brains out, Claude," my mother says.

"Are you trying to say I have brain damage or something?" I ask.

"Well, it's just that sometimes you make the stupidest decisions. I think maybe you lost some important things along the way while you were going through your rebellious phase," she says.

Well.

So, then I call my sister. "Hey, guess what ma said. She said she thinks I smoked my brains out in college."

"Well, there may be some truth to that," she says.

"Are you trying to say I'm stupid?" I ask.

"No, it's just that you were so smart when you were little," she says.

Well.

I try to keep things very superficial with my stepfather. He's 60 and he's from Harlem and he's done very well for himself. All that put together means he says whatever the hell he wants whenever he wants. That is not to say that he never practices restraint. He probably censors himself more than anyone will ever know, but when he lets it out, you better brace yourself.

"Hey, Ron," I say. "How's business?"

"I work hard, Claude. That's how business is. If a nigga wanna get ahead in the world, that's what he gotta do. I'm a nigga who understands that. Most niggas don't. You kind of understand it, but not really. Me and you gotta talk one of these days. So I can tell you what the fuck is really going on."

"Sure thing, Ron. Catch ya later."

Then there's my father. God bless him.

"Dad," I say, "You think I may have lost some brain cells in college?"

"Boy, ain't nothin' wrong with you. Everybody 'round here trying to act like they ain't never smoked no reefer before. I used to smoke reefers with those same niggas, back when I used to do that kind of thing. That's what young people do. What else you gonna do? You wasn't sniffin' no cocaine, was you?"

"No."

"Well, what is the big deal? You quit eventually, like everybody with any good sense does. You are the average American. Them Jew boys do the same thing, but they daddies give them little nest eggs to get things started so don't nobody notice that little Irving is kind of fried. Yo daddy ain't have nothing like that to give you, and neither did my daddy..."

Eventually I have to cut him off. He's 70, and believe me he can go on and on. Especially on the topic of Jews, to which all conversations eventually deteriorate.

This issue of my intelligence, however, is what has made leaving the education field difficult for me. I'm sure it's no secret, but the education field is full lazy morons. I mean, chock full. So, in a school building I stand out as a shining star.

"Nadir, you're so smart," people say.

"No, I'm not," I say. They think I'm being modest, but I'm not.

Maybe I could work for the government, become a bureaucrat. They've got plenty of retards in those buildings downtown. I could be, like, Lord of the Retards. Get it? Like Lord of the Rings, but Retards instead of rings.


Thanks for reading.

GOBAMA!

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http://blackbroadway-online.com

Factoid: While I may be the least intelligent member of my family, I do have the best singing voice. I am not, however, the best writer. That award would have to go to my sister, who reads this blog regularly and sends me emails about my spelling errors.