Silence Is Golden

Okay:

So, apparently I tend to rub people the wrong way. Women in particular.

While this may not be surprising to you, it is certainly disheartening to me. I kind of fashion myself as a gentleman. The kind of guy that women use as a point of reference.

"See, Nadir really knows how to treat a woman." Like that.

Or like this.

"He's all right, but he's no Nadir."

But the older I get, the less it seems to work out that way. This may have been true when I was in high school, college, even five or four years ago. But these days I seem to be getting in a lot of trouble for, you guessed it, my big fat mouth.

But it wasn't until I had a conversation with an old friend yesterday that I was able to wrap my brain around the why of it all.

I was telling her all about this argument I had at work with these two sisters. I had offered an anecdote and posed a pedagogical/philosophical question. Student A is a graduating senior but reads on a second grade level. Student A does not want to do his reading assignment. Student A asks to go see his therapist. And Mr. Nadir says, "Hell no. Read your goddamn book."

Was Mr. Nadir wrong?

I won't bore you with all the educational theory and child psychology embedded in that question, but in the end these two women both agreed that I was unqualified to work with children with special needs. One suggested that I go find another job. The other suggested that I go back to school. Then they made some slightly veiled hints that I might do with some therapy myself.

After relaying this story to my old friend she said, "Can I ask you a serious question without you getting offended?"

"Sure," I said.

"Why do you think women dislike you so much?" she asked. "And don't just give me a quick, superficial answer. I want you to really think about it."

"Well, I'm not disrespectful, I don't think."

"I'd agree with that."

"I'm not overly flirtatious when I don't feel it's welcome."

"Definitely not."

"So what is it?"

"You tell me."

"Hmmm."

Then it hit me. "I'm too opinionated. Women don't think men should have opinions. They'd prefer it if we'd keep our mouths shut and sit there looking masculine. Holy shit! That's so sexist. It's, like, the reverse of the traditional paradigm."

"I don't think that's it at all. Most women prefer a man with an opinion."

"No-ho-ho. I'm dead on with this one. Women don't want to hear shit you have say about anything if you don't agree with them. They don't know how to handle your difference of opinion without personalizing it. So, when I tell a co-worker that I think the kids abuse their clinical therapy, she's insulted because she's a clinical therapist. So, her response is to tell me I'm unqualified to teach. You see? I express an opinion, she makes a judgement."

"But that's just one scenario."

"No, it happens to me all the time. I'm always getting laid out by some woman. Then my boys say to me, 'Why do you talk so much? Just don't say shit. You know they don't want to hear anything you have to say. If you don't agree, just nod and shrug your shoulders. Like we do. It's easier that way.'"

"You might have a point."

And I do, don't I?


Thanks for reading.

GOBAMA!

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Innocent Question: After the clinical therapist told me I should find a job elsewhere I said, "You know you kind of hurt my feelings. I didn't know you had such a low opinion of me."

So, she said, "I was just keeping it real."

So, I said, "That's cool. Now I have a low opinion of you."

Was that nasty? It just kind of came out.