A Funny Thing Happened

Okay:

Funny things are always happening to me. Funny things probably happen to you too. And if they do you should share them in the comment box thingy.

Today I will share three amusing anecdotes with you because they made me laugh and they may do the same for you.


Anecdote 1: "The Blackout"

My White Homegirl and I have this ongoing thing. I have a really hard time paying attention to her when she talks. I'm not like that with everybody though. Just her and, like, math teachers. It's not that she's boring or anything. She's actually one of the more interesting people I know. It's just that sometimes when she talks it's like I can't hear her voice or something. I totally miss everything. It's as though she said nothing at all.

She gave a presentation to the staff yesterday afternoon on "summarizing text". I sat right up front to show my support, and I tried extra hard to pay attention. About forty minutes into the thing she got to the part about synchronizing information and asked the group how they thought this skill might be helpful in the classroom. No one was responding to her question though. They all just kind of sat there silently, which I thought was rude. So I raised my hand.

"I think this would be good for helping kids to learn how to filter out important events in a story," I said confidently.

She paused, then her face turned bright pink. "Right," she said smiling a forced smile. "That's kind of like what we were just talking about a few minutes ago."

Then I looked around and everyone was looking at me funny, kind of shaking their heads like "that's a damn shame".

I mean, the entire room.

It took a while to register, but apparently, I had missed about a ten minute block of the presentation. I was sitting right there. I wasn't reading or writing or engaged in some other activity. I had simply zoned out and missed it all. Like an alien abduction. Except without the aliens and the anal probe.

The punchline is, I did it again a half-hour later.


Anecdote 2: "Man Loses Foot In Mouth"

I was in the cafeteria eating breakfast with a colleague. A brother in his early thirties, teaches English a few doors down from me. We're in the cafeteria eating Eggo's or whatever when this kid walks in. He's a really small guy with pretty low cognitive skills. He presents well though. You'd have to get him in the classroom to figure out how slow he is. You'd also have to read his file to find out how old he is. He's 16 or so, but he looks 12.

Because he's so small people are always picking on him and because he's so slow, he doesn't understand that he can't fight everybody. It's actually quite annoying. He can't sit through an entire class period without trying to fight someone.

So he's mildly retarded (which is still a clinical term, by the way) with a severe Napoleonic complex. And that's certainly not a good thing.

Let me preface this by saying that I possess no filter. I am almost completely incapable of censoring myself. If you think my blogs are offensive, you should hang out with me for a day or so.

So the kid walks in and says something stupid, then he leaves. My colleague looks at me, shaking his head and says, "I worry about that kid."

Then I say, "Why? Because he's so fucking stupid?"

Then he says, "No. That's my nephew."


Anecdote 3: "My Jogging Pants Don't Have Pockets"

I went jogging this morning.

I know. You're proud of me. I can feel your pride through the Internet.

Anyway, I come rounding this corner. I got my iPod jamming and I'm catching my second wind. The endorphins are pumping and I feel great. I look across the street and there is this cute woman walking to the bus stop. I notice her, but I keep on jogging. Then, out of the corner of me eye I see her looking in my direction and mouthing some words I can't hear.

It took a split second for it to register that she might be talking to me. Here was this pretty lady on her way to work and I'm out in a decidedly unflattering sweatsuit and a second generation iPod and I need a haircut and I can't remember if I brushed my teeth or not. I took one ear piece out.

"Good morning, honey!" she screamed from across the street.

Wow. Last week some lady gave me her number at the bar and this week I'm being flagged down during my morning jog. I must really be aging well, I thought.

"Good morning to you!" I screamed back.

"How are you?!" she screamed.

"I'm fine and yourself!" I was just about to cross the street and see if we could exchange numbers or something when she screamed...

"Can I have 50 cents?!"

"I'm sorry?!!"

"50 cents?!"

"I don't have any money on me!!"

"Well, do you have a quarter?!!"

"Just my house keys!! My jogging pants don't have pockets!!"

"Oh. Well, thanks anyway!!"

Believe it or not, part of me thought briefly that I should start bringing spare change out of the house so I wouldn't miss anymore opportunities like this. Then my better reasoning conquered. I'd have to buy a new pair of pants to do that.


Thanks for reading.

GOBAMA!

LISTEN TO MY MUSIC AND WATCH VIDEOS AT
http://www.blackbroadway-online.com

Confession: I just realized yesterday that my favorite suit no longer fits. It was sad.