Last Will and Testament

Okay:

I'm sick. I can only breathe out of one nostril and my face hurts. I'm so doped up I don't know if I should drive, but I'm going to work anyway. So if you see me out there on the road, give me some room. Honk your horn if I start to drift.

Should this horrible affliction overtake me before Monday morning and make this my last blog, I, being of sound mind and body, offer you, my dear reader, my Last Will and Testament.

To my sister, I leave my debts, because you've got an MBA and you'll know what to do with them.

To my mother, I leave my brand new computer because the one you have is old and dumb, and you don't even know it or care but having a good computer can make your life so much easier.

To my stepfather, I leave all the jazz CDs I "borrowed" from you because they're yours and you should have them.

To my father, I leave all of my bibles because they've never been read and you can re-gift them.

To Gill, I leave my porn because you'll put it to good use.

To Joe D, I leave all the boxes of CDs we never sold and my shoes because we wear the same size, don't we?

Bury me with my clothes because none of you will wear them right.

And give my books to Goodwill because poor people should read too.

When cleaning out my apartment, do not look in my nightstand. And don't touch the towel under the bed.

Should I recover miraculously from this illness over the weekend, it is further proof that I am destined for greatness and, therefore, cannot be held accountable for my actions or words in the meantime.


Thanks for reading.

GO OBAMA!!!!!

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