Die Hanna Die

Okay:

This weekend I took my daughter to see the Hanna Montana movie.

A few things.

Number one is I absolutely hate Hanna Montana. Second is those people over at Disney are geniuses. Gotta respect the hustle. Although I'm not sure if all of this is legal.

First there's the concert tour. From what I understand the ticket prices ranged from a few hundred to a thousand dollars. And they sold out everywhere they went.

Then they decide to do this movie. One week release. Shown in 3D.

Brilliant.

Then they extend the release another week. So I succumb to the pressure and take my daughter to see what I guess is her equivelant of Purple Rain or something.

We get to the movie theatre and I ask the teller for tickets. He then asks me for thirty-two dollars. I say, "No, there's only two of us. One adult and one child."

He says, "I know. The tickets are fifteen dollars."

"A piece?" a asked.

"Yes, sir."

"And you only get to see it once?"

I bought the tickets reluctantly and he handed us our 3D glasses, which, to be fair, were the nicest 3D glasses I had ever seen. They were made of hard plastic, not the red and white cardboard that I remember from the eighties.

We sat down in the near-empty theatre and waited through a half-dozen previews of 3D movies coming out later this year. A U2 Concert movie. A film version of Journey to the Center of the Earth starring Brendan Frazier, who hasn't aged a day since Encinco Man.

A woman walks in with two little girls and sits down right behind us. And believe or not, once the movie gets started and Hanna starts doing her thing, this woman starts heckling her.

A grown woman, with children, at a matinee, heckling Hanna Montana. I shit you not.

"Aw shut up girl, you know you can't sing!"

"She's lip-synching, y'all. You can't run around the stage like that and hit those notes!"

"She ain't no Beyonce!"

Shit like this would get on my nerves regardless, but the fact that I paid thirty-two dollars to see this goddamn movie...I wanted to cuss her ass out. But there were children present, including my own, so we just moved up a few rows.

I fell asleep at some point. After a while all of the songs started to sound alike.

Truth be told, as much of a Hanna Montana fan as my daughter professes to be, I don't think she was terribly impressed with the whole thing. In fact, she hasn't talked about it since. I probably could have saved my thirty-two dollars and got us a nice lunch or something.

Anyway. It has not missed me that today is Valentine's Day. So Happy Valentine's Day to you all. Enjoy your bullshit holiday. Get laid.


Thanks for reading.

GO OBAMA!

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Confession: Mark your calendar's, I've been technically single every Valentine's Day since I was a senior in high school.