Tonight's The Night

Okay:

So today is the big day. Well, not really. It's not like I'm playing Madison Square or something. But it's been a while since I've done what would be considered a full set at this stage in the game. I'm about as ready as I'll ever be. I've rehearsed with the band and my backup singer. Everything sounds good and provided nothing horribble happens between now and then, it should be one hell of a show.

To be honest I've come quite a long way as far as shows go. Joe and I had some comically humble beginnings. Our first show together as Dirty Water, six years ago, was at a talent show at the Friendship House in southeast. A mutual friend of ours was working there and asked us to perform so we agreed. There was no sound system. Just a boom box and two microphones. The sound was so bad we ended up turning off the radio and doing the remainder of our set to handclaps from the audience, which included a lot of crying babies and old people. None of them were particularly impressed with us.

Afterwards there was nothing we could do but laugh. Joe looked at me and said, "It's all uphill from here."

Then there were the in-stores we used to do at mom and pop record stores that carried our CDs on consignment. Four or five people would show, at the most. And they were all usually friends and/or family. One time literally no one showed.

Those places also did not have sound systems. We used to rent big stereos from Rent A Center and use our own mics. I remember after one show at Revolution Records (now out of business) I was so depressed after the set that I found a dark corner to cry in. I was in the middle of a big custody battle, losing literally fifty percent of my net income in child support and immersing myself in hip hop. Those were dark times.

Once we did a show at Rose's Dream on H Street. A small cramped bar in the "middle" of the hood. The stage, if you could call it that, was so small that Joe and I were almost standing on top of each other. At the foot of the "stage" was a card table where four heavy sisters were playing a game of spades. During our set they began arguing and cursing at each other. "Stop reneging you fat bitch". It was as if we were not there. Then they made an announcement that someone had broken into all the cars across the street.

Again, we felt as though we were being prepared for something.

Then there was the release party at the Zuchabar in Adam's Morgan. Parking was so bad that most people ended up going home after driving around in the freezing rain for a half hour.

There were other fiascos, like the ill-conceived album cover for our first attempt at a love-themed record. We called it Love, Lust & Everything in Between. I wanted us to rent white tuxedos and buy a white rabbit. The tuxedos were supposed to represent committment and the rabbit was supposed to represent lust, two opposing forces in my mind.

I thought that I might be able to rent a rabbit but apparently the pet store people frown upon that kind of thing so I had to buy the little fucker out right. I was insistent upon having an all white rabbit. They only had one but he was sickly. I bought him anyway, took him home and booked a photographer for the next day.

During the night he was struck with a bad case of diarrhea. I took him to the bathroom to wash the doo-doo off his fur, but he had a heart attack in the sink and died. I rushed back to the store to get a replacement rabbit, but the only other white one had grey ears. I contemplated painting him but apparently that is also frowned upon so I settled for an almost white rabbit. Then I didn't have any money left over for the tuxes so we wore white waffle shirts. The cover ended up looking like this, a far cry from what I had envisioned.

People were more confused than anything else. I'm almost ashamed to admit the whole set up cost me a few hundred dollars. And I think Joe is still a little pissed at me. "What the fuck is up with the rabbit?" they asked. Still, it's a pretty funny story.

So, if for no other reason than pity, make sure you come out tonight. Bar Nun (I think they may have changed the name last week to Pulse or something like that) 1326 U Street, NW. Doors open at 8. $5 cover. I'll be the handsome fellow in the back wringing his hands and nursing a glass of scotch.

Make sure you pick up a copy of Romance Revisited, my second attempt at a love-themed album. It's a collection of love songs I've recorded over the past few years. I'm listening to it right now and it's pretty good so I think you'll like it.

Thanks for reading.

GO OBAMA!

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Factoid: No animals were harmed in the making of this new album cover.