Now What?

Okay:

Well, today is Hump Day. And, so, appropriately, I have composed a blog about humping.

Today I'd like to talk about what to do after sex.

Out here in The Casual Sex World, it's always kind of awkward, I think. Those of you in committed relationships probably have it down to a science, or at least a routine.

Women typically want some closeness after the deed is done. A little cuddling, some petting, light banter, etc.

Most men, I think, would prefer a nap.

Back when I had a girlfriend, I never had to address this problem. I was blessed to have met someone who would usually fall asleep before I did. Sometimes I would try to hurry up and fall asleep so I wouldn't have to listen to her snore. But you can't really hurry up and fall asleep, now can you?

But like I said, things are different in The Casual Sex World.

The obvious difference is that there is the condom to dispose of. And like they told you in Health, it is imperative that a condom be disposed of immediately. You gotta jump up out that thang and run like hell to the bathroom.

Now here's the thing. 'Jumping up out that thang and running like hell to the bathroom' right after you bust a good one is easier said than done.

Ladies, imagine for a moment, if every time you had an orgasm, right afterwards you had to jump up and go change your socks, lest you get pregnant or contract a venereal disease.

Doesn't sound like fun, now does it?

No. You wanna lie there and enjoy the moment for a while. Sophia from The Golden Girls called it "after-glow".

So, more than once, whilst in the bathroom disposing of the condom, I have taken the extra measure of running water through the rubber to make sure it maintained its integrity. Particularly if I was experiencing Post-Ejaculation Regret.

Post-Ejaculation Regret is a very real phenomenon in The Casual Sex World. You meet a woman, you have a few drinks, you take her home, get her in the bed, and as soon as you finish you are overcome with dread.

Oh My God! It would be a complete disaster if she were to get pregnant. I don't even like her. She was getting on my nerves all night. She looks like the type that would want to keep it. She'd probably take me to court for child support. Get me for everything I got. Oh my God. She's pregnant. I know she is. I am so stupid. What was I thinking. She doesn't even have a real job. Let me run some water through this rubber just to be sure.

Once you get over that, it's back to the bedroom, or kitchen or whatever. She's lying there looking...well...not quite as good as she looked before you had sex. Her hair's all over the place, her fake eyebrows have sweated off, etc. What am I thinking?

Do I want another or is it time for her to go home?

My favorite is when she makes the decision for me. Nothing's better than returning from the bathroom to find her already getting dressed, mumbling something about needing to get home.

I say, "Awww, so soon?" Then I hug her from behind and kiss her neck.

I think, YES!!!!!!!!

The worst is when she's lying there wide awake. This essentially means, Ready for round two whenever you are. Which is presumptuous to say the least. Most men, myself included, are far too polite to tell a lady caller when it's time for her to leave. So, we have our cues.

Little hints we drop. Like...

"Wooo. It's late."

"Man o man. I'm about to pass out."

"Jesus, I've got to wake up early tomorrow morning."


Or my personal favorite.


"Which side of the parking lot did you park on? They start towing around this time of night."

That last one is one hundred percent guaranteed to work every single time. You can use it if you like.

On occasion, I meet someone I actually like. Then she can stay as long as she likes. She can get a round two, three, four sometimes. She can get cuddling, petting and light banter.

But if all that is cool, the question is, How casual is this?


Thanks for reading.


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GOBAMA!


Innocent Question: Ladies, do you experience the same difficulty with your casual gentleman callers?