Sleeping Dogs

Okay:

Am I the only one who feels like the older they get, the less integrity they have?

When I was younger I was really big on telling the truth. Of course, I lied to my parents constantly. No, I'm not high. That knife isn't mine. I didn't realize it was two in the morning. Etc.

I also had no qualms about lying to the police. And still don't.

And maybe in my teens, I had a tendency to exaggerate the truth to make myself seem cooler. Or sometimes if I was bored.

And I told a few girls I loved them so they would have sex with me.

But other than that, I was a boy scout.

Particularly in my late teens and early twenties. I once told a girlfriend of mine that I had met someone new. She wasn't suspicious. She called me one day thinking everything was normal and I gave an unsolicited confession. The events that followed were less than pleasant.

I talked to my mother afterwards and explained the situation. I was looking to be affirmed. "Son," she said, shaking her head. "That was so fucking stupid."

She explained to me that in certain situations the truth can do more harm than good. She told me that I should always measure out the benefits versus the potential negative consequences for everyone involved before I get all noble and start telling people shit they don't already know.

My mother has given me a lot of advice over the years. I don't remember most of it. But that particular gem has always stuck with me.

That is not say that I have always followed her advice, but lately I have been putting it to very good use. Particularly with women.

The thing about telling the truth is, more often than not, it only makes the person telling the truth feel better. And I'm not talking about "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" Every man knows the answer to that question.

I'm talking about "Honey, where were you last night?"

If the answer is, "I was at a strip club and ended up having sex with one of the dancers in our backseat," someone please explain to me how it would benefit anyone to confess?

For the sake of being honest? Give me a break.

You tell the truth. She's furious. Heart-broken. Relationship over. And maybe she's scarred for life and can never trust another man. Who wins?

Nobody, that's who.

So, what should you do?

Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie like a fucking rug. Lie like your life depended on it. It may. Some women don't go for that kind of thing. Some of them have a strong sense of justice and may try to do something to you, or, God forbid, your car.

It's just not worth it.

Lie. You'll feel better. She'll feel better. Everybody's happy.

And isn't being happy still a good thing?


Thanks for reading.


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Postscript: I also don't see anything wrong with lying to your boss. They don't really even deserve the truth.