It Ain't No Fun If The Homies Can't Have None

Okay:

So, folks. Let's lighten this place up a bit, shall we?

Here's a sticky situation that I'm sure more than one of you have experienced first hand. What should you do if your significant other's best friend makes a pass at you?

It's never happened to me actually. But a friend of mine once came to me with the dilemma.

It's tricky, isn't it? If you tell your boy/girlfriend, you run the risk of splitting up a friendship over what may just be a momentary lapse in judgement. Also, if the pass wasn't made explicitly, perhaps you doubt whether or not you're interpreting things correctly. Maybe when he said, "I sure would like to get me a piece of that!" he was actually asking for one of your chicken wings or something. Maybe you're just imagining things.

Then there's the possibility of the old switcheroo. You turn him/her down cold then they run and tell your honey that you were the one who made the pass. Sort of a preemptive measure.

Have I ever been so crass as to make advances at one of my homeboy's ladies?

Emphatically, no.

I have, however, given it some serious thought on more than one occasion. I'm only human. But I have always been able to keep those kinds of lustful desires at bay. Just doesn't seem worth it. Then there's the whole karma thing.

I've seen variants of this scenario though.

I once had a homeboy who was dating this young lady. Beautiful girl. But it didn't last long. Apparently, she had taken my number down once when he called her from my apartment. One day, after they were long since over, she gave me a call. The rest, shall we say, is history.

But that's hardly the same, I think. That is what we men folk refer to as sloppy seconds. And it's usually no big deal. Especially in college. It's a small campus. Everyone knows everyone. Yadda yadda yadda.

I suppose a more polite way to put it is "having friends in common."

It certainly wasn't the last time it happened.

Women appear to be more sensitive to the whole idea. Once they sleep with a man, even if it was casual, he's off limits to all her friends and acquaintances. But, take it from someone who knows, ladies. That little code of yours is rarely honored.

My experience has been that there's nothing a woman finds more attractive than a man who someone else wants. It's like catnip or something. If he was good enough for you, she's figuring there must be something going on there. That curiosity kicks in, and things just sort of happen.

I'm willing to wager that most of you ladies out there have taken your fair share of sloppy seconds. Trying to figure out what all the fuss was about.

But in response to the original topic. I think that if you think your sweetheart's homie is sweet on you, you should address it candidly. If there's ambiguity, get some clarity.

"Are you coming on to me?"

If the answer is yes, assuming you're not interested, make it plain. "This is not cool. If you keep this up, I'm going to have to say something to _______________. I don't want to have to do that, but you're making me uncomfortable. If you're cool though, we can keep this between us."

Unless you're dealing with a crazy, that should work.

If they keep it up, then you've gotta do what you gotta do.

Let's say for the sake of argument that you are curious, however, and you're afraid that if you address it, one thing may lead to another. Well then, as my sister once said to me, "You're fucked."

Especially if you're a woman. Men keep the same best friend for life. Women go through buddies like panty liners. A man could wait that kind of thing out until his lady and her BFF have their inevitable fall out. As a woman, you're stuck having this dude around indefinitely.

I had a homeboy once who caught his best friend and his lady in the act.

Can you imagine?

If he had killed them both, he probably would've gotten off. At least in Texas.

So let that be a lesson to you if you are currently screwing your wo/man's best friend or thinking about it. It's not worth it. As my uncle used to say, "Curiosity killed the cat...and it fucked up the dog too."


Thanks for reading.


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Postscript: I'm being reviewed in this month's edition of Music Connection. If you're at a Border's or Barnes & Noble, pick up a copy.