Getting Organized with My Young Disciple, Introducing Her To My Eighties Films and Shows Syllabus and Discovering TV Land

Okay:

So, this weekend I discovered a new cable channel called TV Land. Perhaps you've heard of it. Anyways, on this channel they show all the best of everything all the time. On Saturday night, my daughter and I sat on the couch to watch a couple of movies.

I had exiled her to her room for the entire day with the arduous task of cleaning it...thoroughly. My daughter, like me, is a pack rat. She absolutely refuses to throw anything away. Everything seems like it may be of value at some point in the future.

I've still got utilities bills from 1999 on file in my closet. Who knows what could happen? I could get audited. Then it wouldn't seem so crazy, now, would it?

I instructed her to separate everything into 3 piles: stuff you want to keep, stuff you want to give away and stuff you want to throw away. There were old baby dolls and broken toys with pieces missing. But what made the bulk of the mess was paper.

See, my baby girl's quite the artist. All she needs is some paper, some pencils, and a pair of scissors. She could occupy herself for hours. Only thing is, she won't throw any of it away. Even the scraps. To her, it's all precious. We're in there for hours, going through this mound of paper.

A doggy-eared white, 11 x 14.

A yellow circle, the size of a pea.

An origami swan made from a Post-It.

"No, Daddy! Don't throw that away!"

"Well, what are you gonna do with it?"

"Something. I don't know."

And so it took all day...literally. We started around 10 in the morning. We didn't finish until 11 at night. Her room looks great now. And I took My White Homegirl's advice and took a picture of each corner, so from now when I tell her to clean her room, she'll know what it's supposed to look like. But, like I said, we took a break around 5 to watch TV Land.

There was a movie I felt she needed to see. Garry Marshall's "Overboard".

What a wonderful little white romantic comedy! And, as I understand it, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell started dating during the filming.

But truly, folks. How could I consider myself a responsible parent after denying my daughter the pleasure of seeing one of the most memorable films of that confusing decade? "Come here, honey," I said. "You have to watch this movie with daddy."

She was able to keep up with the plot okay, even caught some of the jokes. Overall, I think she enjoyed it. "She should be happy he taught her how to be less snooty," she said.

I, on the other hand, had a chance to really appreciate Goldie Hawn's performance for the first time. No wonder she got so much work. She was brilliant! Nothing she did was way over the top. She was always able to get the big laugh with subtlety. I respect that.

Makes me want to go back and watch "Private Benjamin". Doesn't she go down on Albert Brooks in this movie? Like, in the limo after the wedding? That's insane. They don't make romantic comedies like that anymore.

And "Protocol". Remember "Protocol"? She got shot in the ass.

But I digress. We were watching "Overboard". The final scene is absolutely brilliant. I almost cried.

Then "Back To School" came on. "Wait, honey," I said. "You also have to watch this movie."

I never realized how funny Rodney Dangerfield was when I was a boy. I thought he was funny. But, dammit, that motherfucker is hilarious.

For example, the motherufucker's in a hot tub with a bunch of co-eds. He asks one, "What's your major?"

"Poetry," she says,

"Well, maybe you could help me straighten out my Longfellow," he says.

Fucking genius.

Then in the final scene when they're begging him to sub in and dive in the final meet, Lou leans over to him and says, "Get up there."

He says, "Are you crazy? The shape I'm in, they could donate my body to science fiction."

ROTF LMBAO, as they say on the Internet.

Then to top it all off, the good folks at TV Land decided to run a "Cosby Show" episode. This was the one where Vanessa was in that AP Science class and did the bullshit solar system science project and her homegirl had made those robots, and she came in 14th place and was mad. The funniest thing about this episode is the little boy who did win the Science Fair. He was a brother, with a skin tight peach sweater on, and a dry feathered doobie. He made a working tornado that "destroys a miniature farm community".

Then, just to make sure I was hooked, they ran a few episodes of "Scrubs". But they had me at hello.

This is my new favorite station.

I recommend you all support them in their future endeavors. They know television.

Download the album if you haven't already. Here's the link...

DOWNLOAD

Thanks for reading.


GOBAMA/BIDEN!


Innocent Question: Is it cool for me to still find Vanessa's friends cute? I mean, we're all adults now. But is it, like, creepy or what?