The Doctor Is In

Okay:

So everyone I know, co-workers, significant others, parents, siblings--they all keep telling me to go see the doctor about my knees (which are almost one hundred percent better now, in case you were wondering).

I have a personal aversion to going to the doctor. I'm not afraid of needles, or taking my clothes off or having my thang played with and examined. But I'm a 27 year old black man. In case you don't know what that means about doctor visits, let me tell you. I went to the doctor a couple of years ago for a throat infection. I'm thinking popscicle stick, anti-biotic, see ya later. No, no, no.

"How old are you, son?" he asked me.

"25," I told him.

He looked at me with a little sympathetic smirk. "No," I said. "I'm too young for that."

"I'm going to have to insist, " he said. "Now lay on your side. It will be over before you know it."

Then he broke out the latex gloves and the lube dube for my first and last prostate exam. I know it's supposed to be all the rave in the private bedroom moments of consenting adults, but I don't know how you women do it. I felt violated. It made a wierd squishy noise and he didn't even wipe me down afterwards.

That is why I won't be going to the doctor over this knee business. I'll take it like a man and walk it off before I let someone else give me the finger.

I saw my doctor at the 7-Eleven sometime after that. He tried to spark up some small talk but I couldn't even look him in the eye. It was very uncomfortable for me.

Next week I have to go to a TACT 2 training in Linthicum. They're going to teach me how to take down students who present a physical threat and put them in a "theraputic hold", whatever the hell that means. They told me to be prepared to get slammed around a little bit. I hope my knees are up for it. I guess I'll find out on Tuesday. Trial by fire, huh?

In lighter news, my latest album Magnificent Bastard was recently reviewed in City Pages. They seemed to like it okay. Check it out for yourself.

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