Notes on the Hokey and Spectacular Films of the 80s, Cee Brown Swallows His Pride and Other Miscellany

Okay:

So, my Internet is still off. I'm writing today's blog from my mother's house. She's got OnDemand, and right now I'm watching "RoboCop". I used to love this movie. For an eighties flick, it's held up remarkably well in terms of enjoyability. Most of the movies from that curious decade, John Hughes and all that, are painfully asinine when I watch them now.

I was watching "My Stepmom's An Alien" the other day. Completely ridiculous. Kim Bassinger, Dan Ackroyd, Jon Lovitz and a fucking talking purse. Even "The Breakfast Club", as blasphemous as it may sound, seems a little hokey now. Iconic as the character was and is, Judd Nelson is actually pretty hard to watch in my late twenties. All full of melodramatic teenage angst. It's painful.

But it's not like every 80s movie sucked. There was "Revenge of the Nerds", which is still fucking hilarious. "Karate Kid", "The Last Dragon" and "Purple Rain".

"The Lost Boys" is nostalgic for me on a whole 'nother level. Me and my cousins used to watch it over and over again. We couldn't get enough of it. And the ending! Jesus, the ending! There has never been a better ending in cinematic history. I'll stand by the statement against anyone who has a different opinion. The grandfather knew all along! The whole time he was pretending to be a crazy old coot, but he knew all along. Genius.

Then there was "Weird Science", which began my short-lived obsession with Kelly LeBrock. Me and Gill were just talking about this flick the other day. Both of us agreed that it was absolutely ridiculous, regardless of how geeky they were, that neither one of those motherfuckers tried to fuck her. Even in that shower scene. Other than that, it's another two thumbs up for old John Hughes.

Then there were the less notables like "Just One of the Guys", which was the only PG-13 movie I've ever seen with full frontal nudity. Remember the tit-flashing scene at the end? And isn't it a little gay for them to have ended up dating? I mean, up until a few weeks ago you thought she was a dude. Your best friend, in fact. She kisses you and shows you her tits and you figure, "Hey, might as well give it a shot."

Supergay.

Then there's "The Legend of Billie Jean", which got horrible reviews and grossed a paltry $3.5 million, seems like it might be fun to watch now. And that movie where they used to sing that song "Top That". Remember that one?

The dude would go "Top thaaaat. Uh, top thaaaat."

And the chick would go, "I don't really give a...about tryin'na top that."

And they would keep going back and forth like that. It was cute. I liked that one too.

So, anyways. "Robocop" is still good. They're blowing up all kinds of shit and laughing maniacally. And then there's the "I'd buy that for a dollar" guy. He's still funny.

Enough nostalgia.

Back to the present. My Internet is still off and being over here makes me want to get OnDemand. I gotta get my hands on some more dough somehow.

Oooooh. And there goes toxic waste guy. I forgot about this part. This is so cool. Remember how in the 80s, everyone was all preoccupied with toxic waste? Whatever happened to toxic waste anyways? And the fucking wales? Remember the goddamn wales? Did we save them or what? Like, what happened?

Okay, so back to my money problems. I have made a decision. It's time to ask for help. I was inspired by something I read today or some other day. "A wise man knows when to ask for help."

Or something like that.

Anyway, I'm going to ask my stepfather for a loan.

I know. I know. I know.

I hate doing it. And he may or may not say yes. This will be the second time I've come to him for money.

Oh shit. The bad guy just fell out of the window. Dropped like thirty stories. Remember in the 80s how the bad guy always ended up falling from a tall building in the end? It was a pretty common demise for the antagonist. Why was Hollywood so obsessed with those falling shots? Even today with the advanced computer graphic stuff, they still can't make it look real.

Okay, back to the money. So, I still haven't paid him all of his money back from the loan I took off him a year ago. And I'm concerned that this may make him feel uncomfortable about loaning me the money. But the worst thing he can say is no. So I'm gonna swallow my pride and give it a shot. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

An update on my crush: She said something really stupid today. Her stock is falling.

An update on the "Love's Holiday" video: 86 views and counting.

The Leak Continues this Thursday. Stay tuned.


Thanks for reading.


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Tip of the Day: Apparently, lifting your buttcheek to fart makes it louder, which is considered uncouth in certain circles.