In The Beginning...

Okay:

So, when did you realize you were a freak?

If you are, that is. But I'm imagining that if you read this blog on a regular basis, you probably are. I can't really recall when I figured it out. All I know is that I woke up one morning and I could not stop thinking about sex. Then I got my first taste, and it was all downhill from there.

Perhaps I can trace it back to when we first got cable and I discovered a program called "Red Shoe Diaries" on Showtime. It was a soft-softcore drama. At any rate, before the episode was over someone was going to end up fucking. And I used to stay up late to catch it, sitting on the edge of my bed, waiting for the raunch to begin with a blank VHS tape in the VCR ready to go.

Then there was "Real Sex" on HBO. Sometimes they would have really good episodes with exposes on strip clubs or Vegas call girls or whatever. Most of the time it was old people trying to put the spice back into their lives. Going on all nude island retreats and whatnot. It was hit or miss with that show.

Then there was Video Music Jukebox and those wonderful Luke videos. "You Go Girl", "It's Your Birthday", "Pop That Coochie", etc. I may have ordered a video or two, but I was always able to convince my mother that the phone company had made a mistake. For the most part though, I just waited for some other sucker to spend his dollar, with my finger on the record button.

And then there was a show specific to the DC area called "Metro World". It came on public access, and there may have only been a half dozen episodes. Anyways, for you out-of-towners, it was a very popular show that showcased local go-go bands and videotaped their shows. Not that I didn't enjoy the music, but I certainly found the dancers far more entertaining. Most of the bands performed with strippers. And not the I'm-working-my-way-through-college exotic dancers. I'm talking freaked-out whores here. You heard about the Rare Essence Splash Party tape. It was on Oprah.

Northeast Groovers were my favorite at the time. They had a dance duo called Sunshine and Juicy.

I was a little obsessed. If you know any brothers from DC, ask them about Sunshine and Juicy. They'll probably stare off into the distance in nostalgic bliss. They were goddesses!

I would make video mixtapes of my little erotic snippets, using an extra VCR and the pause button. Most hip hop producers will tell you they made their first beats using this method with audio tapes. But I wasn't interested in making beats. I needed jerk-off material.

But I suppose I was ruined before all this, if I'm honest. When I was still in elementary school I went to a classmate's sleepover. He was a white boy and his mother's boyfriend drove a Lamborghini.

Anyways. When it got good and late he put in a video tape. The label, if I'm remembering correctly said, "Indiana Jones". But there was no Harrison Ford in this flick. The music started playing. Some stereotypical eighties porn jazz-funk. Then the title flashed across the screen: "In The Jeans".

Then there was a woman with a dick in her mouth.

I couldn't believe it!

I was in complete shock. Though I tried not to show it. I almost couldn't watch. I was filled with the funniest feeling. I didn't understand it then, but later I learned that it was called "horny".

And I've been all fucked up ever since.


What about you?


Thanks for reading.


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Postscript: I wouldn't own my first hardcore pornographic film until 8 years later. I don't remember what it was called, but Ron Hightower and Kira were in it...Yes, I know their names.