While You're Down There...

Okay:

Apparently, white people call it a "rim job" and they've been doing it for years. It's technical term in "analingus" though.

As far as I can tell, it's a relatively new concept in the black community. When I first started having sex, I had never even heard of it and the thought of such a thing had never crossed my mind.

I'd never even seen it in porn, and by the time I lost my virginity, I had seen my fair share of porn.

In fact, I've only seen it gain popularity in porn over the past decade or so.

If I were a betting man, I'd wager that blacks discovered this tasty little taboo on a Chris Rock comedy special 15 years ago. The young, wiry, and remarkably ugly comedian introduced us all to something he called "tossing salad". Of course, he was actually talking about prison sex, and the use of "salad tossing" as an even more humiliating way for one prisoner to show dominance over another.

He never even mentioned it's potential for pleasure within the context of a consensual heterosexual relationship, outside of prison walls.

Well, it didn't take Black America long to find it out.

I can't remember the first time I performed the act. But I know that I got the idea from Chris Rock.

I've never been squeamish about putting in some face time with my good friend the vagina. I've always considered it a pleasant and rewarding experience. Then one day I discovered that right next door was her shy, uptight, slightly-less-attractive, neighbor. And, dammit, she needs some attention too!

And I have never known a woman to complain if while you were in the neighborhood, you took some time out to visit the vagina's lonely next door neighbor.

Never!

Discovering this, I made it a point to make it a part of my repertoire. Haven't looked back since.

The interesting thing about rim jobs, analingus, salad tossing, or whatever, is that it is the only sex act that can be reciprocated in a heterosexual encounter. Yes a man and a woman can give each other oral sex, but cunnilingus is wholly different than fellatio. It's really not the same act at all, now is it?

But for some women, I've discovered, performing this particular act on a man is still kind of in the realm of sex acts that make them go "ewwwwww."

But that's just happy hour talk.

My bedroom experience has shown me that roughly eighty percent of women will do it, and for two very specific reasons that you all might find surprising.

At least the men might.

It is, in case you're new to this and curious, a uniquely pleasurable experience for men. I say this because most straight men, myself included, don't introduce that particular part of our anatomies as something to be played with.

So, that's reason 1. She knows she's gonna get a response out of this guy, a sound, a moan, that he wouldn't make for any other reason. Not from intercourse. Not from head.

Reason 2. It is impossible to be on the receiving end without assuming, shall we say, a less-than-masculine posture. There aren't a whole lot of different ways to get at this particular body part. You either have to get on all fours or hike your legs up like a baby waiting for a fresh diaper.

I find that most women who are willing to perform this act get a kick out of turning a man into a submissive.


And these are the reasons I gave it up 5 years ago. It was fun while it lasted, but the reality is...you end up looking and feeling like a bitch.


So that's how I feel about eating ass.


Thanks for reading.


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