The Pitfalls Of Do It Yourself Porn

Okay:

There's nothing I've ever wanted to do sexually that I haven't done yet. I guess that makes me what some people would call a freak. And it's not necessarily a moniker I shy away from. But, honestly, it might be a bit of an overstatement.

I'm really not that freaky.

I like basic boy-girl sex.

I don't really do toys. Something about holding a dildo seems emasculating.

I'm not really interested in menage e trois or group sex. I've barely got the attention span to pay attention to one woman. Satisfying more than one sounds a lot like work, and I've always looked at sex as a leisure activity.

And despite what I understand to be a trend growing in acceptability, I am steadfast in my opposition to having my butthole manipulated.

Call me old school.

I do enjoy porn. Which is probably an understatement.

My mother called the other day asking what I would like for Father's Day. I asked for a one terabyte external hard drive. Partly, because I record vocals at home and the files are huge and it would be a soul-crushing disaster if my shit crashed.

But I am equally worried, if not more so, about my porn.

Still, even my porn is pretty boring as far as porn goes. It's all boy-girl black-on-black gonzo. I don't care much for story lines. I like big booties and titties. I like the ones where they oil the girls up with, like, Wesson.

I've got a few group scenes, but they're hard to watch. I get all confused about what's going on and eventually lose interest. It's easier to focus on just 2 people.

What can I say? I grew up on Nintendo.

Although, I enjoy being a voyeur, I have no interest in video-taping myself, which is kind of the point of this blog.

Whilst having a conversation with some friends, most of whom I consider to be prudes, I was shocked to discover that I was the only one who had never video-taped himself.

"Never?"

"No, never."

"You never even took pictures?"

"No, never."

"Do you want to?"

"No, not really."

"Why not?"

I thought about it. I think it's partially because I'm so out-of-shape. Also, most of the women I find myself dealing with are hardly ready to run a marathon.

Mostly though, when I have sex, it's usually so damned casual that I doubt any sensible woman would entertain the thought. It's really, like, a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, isn't it?

And from what I understand, the girl usually has to keep the tape. Which is understandable, but it still seems unfair.

Plus, I plan on being famous one day. And having a sex tape floating around could be a liability. Especially if I try to run for mayor or something. Not so much if I end up becoming the first reputable hip hop author. In that case it would probably help.


Last night, I had a dream that I was with a woman I have been seeing sporadically since college. We've had a humorous, scant sexual history. I met her in the middle of my erectile dysfunction period. And the truth is, we've never had full-blown, strong-erection intercourse.

Ironically, she's the woman I think of when I'm having trouble cumming. (Was that too explicit?)

Anyway, we were fooling around in a library somewhere. We were naked, sitting on a big blanket and I was recording it. Then the woman I was sleeping with up until a short while ago walked in. She was kind of upset or whatever, but not really. Still, it ended our session prematurely.

Which pissed me off.

So that's all I have to say about amateur porn.


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Thanks for reading.


GOBAMA!


Innocent Question: If things ended badly with you and an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, who went on to become famous, and you had possession of a sex tape, would you sell it?