Okay:
So, I was kind of casually dating this young lady who asked me an interesting question once.
"Your wife of ten years suddenly fell ill and spent years recuperating from a series of surgeries. During this time she was physically incapable of having sex. At some point you all had a conversation about it and she encouraged you to have an affair to satisfy your sexual needs. Would you do it?"
My answer?
Absolutely not.
I may be a lot of things, but I'd like to think that by the time I'm willing to tie the knot and commit to being with one woman for the rest of my life, I'd be above that sort of thing. Especially considering the fact that our lack of sex was due to uncontrollable circumstances.
A bit surprised, she altered the scenario.
"Let's say she is fully recuperated physically, but due to hormonal changes as a result of the illness, the surgeries, aging and other variables, she no longer has a desire to have sex. Would you have an affair?"
My answer?
Absolutely.
You mean to tell me that her hormones are somehow preventing her from parting her legs? If it's a matter of desire or lack thereof, then it seems to me that it is completely within her control.
Yes, yes, yes. The female body is a mysterious thing. But men have hormones too. And our bodies tell us to do all kinds of crazy shit that would be counter-productive within the context of a marriage, but we are expected to control, tame, suppress those desires. I'd expect my wife to do the same thing.
Come up off of that thang and pretend like you enjoy it.
Fake it till you make it, as they say. I imagine that after a while you'd get back into the swing of things. In the interim, that's why the good people at Johnson & Johnson invented KY jelly.
The conversation then deteriorated into a debate on the feminine versus the male perspective on marriage.
My contention is that women, sadly, are indoctrinated with the belief that marriage should be a life goal. Something everyone should do before they die. And, idealistically, before they turn 30.
Men, simply, are not.
Our life goals center around work and the acquisition of wealth. In a perfect world, the two perspectives would compliment one another, but nowadays, that's hardly the case.
Her position was that it is disrespectful for a man to carry on a long-term, exclusive and presumably sexual relationship with a woman, having no intentions of marrying her.
I retorted that if a woman has marriage high on her list of things to do before her ovaries shrivel, she should consider abstaining. If you want an old-school courtship, you need to keep that thang under lock-and-key and play your part in the fairy tale as well.
Things got a little heated, but the conversation ended on a friendly note.
The following morning I received an email from her requesting that I not call her anymore. "We are obviously on two different pages" or some shit like that.
Weird, huh?
Thanks for reading.
And don't forget to download the New Freestyle of the Week.
GOBAMA!
Photo provided courtesy of Kelli Anderson of Sojournals.com. Copyright 2008.
Innocent Question: What the fuck?
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4 comments:
(Love the pic!)
She was asking you those questions because she's obviously having some sort of quarter-life crisis and wants to know where her life is headed and what part you play in that. She's weeding out the 'waste my time' people. Her method is the questionnaire she gave you to see where your head was. There was nothing necessarily wrong with your answers, just not what she wanted to hear at this point. Good luck with that, lol.
they're not ready to hear the truth, moe.
women need to love men for what we are, not for an unrealistic ideal of what they wish we were.
and the exact same thing applies in reverse.
it doesn't preclude satisfying, long term relationships or marriage. on the contrary, knowing who/what you're really dealing with makes it more likely for it to work out.
Well, i don't really see why she would end the friendship based on a Q&A, unless she was looking for more with you. Could that be it? lol! Anyways, marriage ain't for everybody, and when you are ready to get down like that, like the vows say, "thru sickness and health".
- like that hat :)
"My contention is that women, sadly, are indoctrinated with the belief that marriage should be a life goal. Something everyone should do before they die. And, idealistically, before they turn 30."
No truer words said...regarding a lot of women. I had the misfortune of being raised by a mother who raised me and my sibs by herself for eons only to get married when I was a teen to someone who was abusive and mentally deranged which turned me off from the goal of marriage. Maybe it saved me in a sense because I feared marriage moreso than strived for it, but, in all cases, a balance is needed where people are prioritizing the importance of self-knowledge and healthy relationship building which should preclude any talks about marriage.
Sucks she dumped you as a friend though. You appear to be fun as a friend at least.
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