Morning Wood

Okay:

So perhaps the ladies won't be able to relate to this one, but it's worth talking about.

And, to be honest, it's been bugging me.

Every subsequent morning after I got my first erection, I woke up with a rock hard boner. I could count on it like I could count on the sun coming up. But a few years ago, waking up ready for business became more of an occasional thing. I don't know what changed in my body chemistry, but at this point it's less than likely unless I have someone lying next to me. Even then, it's not certain.

So what happened?

For all the ladies, confused by the sometimes temperamental nature of the erection, allow me to provide some clarity.

It's not really something we have any control over. Most men cannot will themselves into action. It's an involuntary thing. We see something that arouses us for whatever reason and, voila! There it is.

But sometimes we see things that would normally arouse us and nothing happens at all. Every guy may not be willing to admit it, but I don't really have any hang ups about it. Sometimes the motherfucker just doesn't want to cooperate.

My mind is there. My body isn't.

As I've gotten older, however, I've come to realize that this phenomenon is less random than it seems. If you really sit down and think about it, there's usually a pretty simple reason.

Had too much to drink.

A little stressed out.

Anxiety.

Too much anticipation.

Overstimulation.

And...get ready for this one, ladies. Just not that attracted to her. Or, she's a lazy lay.

Of course, this all explains regular old garden variety erectile dysfunction. But what about my Morning Wood? What's going on there?

When I was 20 I thought it was a nuisance. You're coming out of a good night's rest, but you're not quite ready for the world. You toss and turn a bit, hit the old snooze button. Then you roll over onto your stomach and get jerked out of your slumber by excruciating pain. You've bent your dick.

Ouch!

Or you wake up with a full bladder. You run to the bathroom, but pissing from an unyielding chubby proves surprisingly difficult. You have to kind of stand on your tippy toes and lean forward to avoid pissing all over the lid.

Or you wake up with an unsettled stomach. You rush to the toilet and sit down, but what in the hell are you going to do with your stiffy? You can't tuck him down like you normally would. That would be too uncomfortable. You have too sit him up on the seat until he calms down. But, as we all know, you can't do number 2 without doing a little number 1. So you end up pissing on your bathroom mat a little bit.

He may, sensing that you are about to do something decidedly nonsexual, decide to calm down enough to be tucked. But you're still at half-mast. So, more than likely, he'll end up dipping in the yicky toilet water a bit.

Ewww!

Still, I miss my Morning Wood. Not having him around makes me feel like middle-age is coming more quickly and assertively than I would prefer.

I'm just saying.


Thanks for reading.



GOBAMA!

Click here to download the new single: "No Fear" featuring Phonte and Asheru. It includes the Joe D remix, 2 b-sides and video interviews with Cool Cee Brown. FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME.

Innocent Question: When your gentleman caller cannot rise to the task, what kind of thoughts run through your head? Honestly.