Curiously Strong

Okay:

So, eventually I had to write about his because it's something that has always perplexed me. That is not to say that all women are basket cases who can't handle stress. And that's not really my point anyways. What I want to talk about today is, of course, something more quizzical.

More perplexing, than the varying moods of women is their physiology. Namely, the vagina.

What a curious, curious thing!

To be blunt, it's a poorly placed orifice that, within the course of a month, will excrete every fluid that the human body contains.

But that's God for you. The ultimate comic genius.

Now, I'm the last person to complain about the vagina. The vagina and I are close, close friends. The world would be a cold and lonely place without the vagina.

But I certainly would not want to have one. What a mammoth responsibility!

The penis is simple. Like a retard.

You keep it clean, well-entertained, and make sure it doesn't get itself into too much trouble. Because without a responsible guardian, it is doomed.

But that vagina.

It's like a beautiful, yet problematic, classic automobile. The owner cherishes it but must devote an inordinate amount of time to cleaning it and making sure it runs properly. And everyone wants to ride in it.

My question, however, is about the general upkeep and how that can effect the smell.

I am more than positive that I am not alone in saying that I have, on more than occasion, been faced with the dilemma of what to do with a less-than-fresh vagina.

You put a lot of time and energy into getting a woman's clothes off, and when she finally takes them off, you discover that things have somehow run a foul.

The first time it happened to me was in high school. I finally got this young lady to the house, and we were about to do the deed. She disrobed and all of a sudden a sweet, sweaty funk filled the room.

Honestly, "funk" might be a strong word. Farts are funky. The vagina is not necessarily so. But it does have an odor. And when that odor is curiously strong, it cannot be mistaken for anything else.

But what to do, oh, what to do!

Option A:

You keep it real, but in a concerned way. "Oh my God, sweetheart. What is going on with your vagina? Are you eating properly? I think your PH balance might be off or something."

Option B:

You keep it all the way real. "Holy shit! That's some funky stuff you got down there. I don't think this is going to work out. That smells dangerous."

Option C:

You deflect. "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's take a shower together. It'll be hot. I could wash you up. You dirty little minx."

Option D:

You fight your way through it and do the deed anyway.


I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that most guys would chose Option D. The path of least resistance. I know I did.

It certainly was not the last time it happened. I've always chalked it up to the complicated nature of the beast. The flip side is, a really strong odor could be a red flag for an STD. Luckily, fingers crossed and knocking on wood, that has never been the case.

It hasn't happened in a few years, but I'd like to think that if it happened tomorrow, I'd have the balls to implement Option A.


Thanks for reading.



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Confession: All the fellas can vouch here. If you've ever gone a weekend without bathing, you know that the penis and scrotum situation can become equally problematic. In fact, the scents are remarkably similar.