If Your Girl Only Knew

Okay:

So, once when I was in college, I ended up at a dinner party with three people I had slept with. I didn't even realize it until my homeboy leaned over to me and whispered, "Claude, you are the man."

"Why's that?" I whispered.

"I just realized, you [slept with] all three of these [women]."

"I guess I did," I laughed.

For a second there, I imagined what might happen if they decided to get real.

"So, Girl #2, what was it like fucking, Claude?"

"Well, Girl #1. We only did it once. We were both really drunk and he could barely get it up. I didn't come but I enjoyed myself. What about you, Girl #3?"

"We were really drunk too, but I came, like, three times, Girl #2. He was great!"

"Did he go down on you, Girl #3?"

"Of course! For, like, 20 minutes, Girl #2"

"Well, how come he didn't go down on me, Girl #1?"

"I don't know. He went down on me too, Girl #2"

"Did you come too, Girl #1?"

"All over the place, Girl #2 He's really sweet, too. Wipes me down with a warm towel afterwards."

"I didn't get the warm towel treatment."

"Me neither."

"He must really like you, Girl #1"

"I can't tell. He fucked both of you."

"Oh. You're fucking him, like, in the present tense."

"Present progressive."

"I knew that."

"Well, I didn't."

"Doesn't really matter. We don't have, like, an arrangement or anything."

"Well, why don't we have a big orgy with him for his birthday?"

"Yeah, we could smother his junk with icing and lick him clean."

"Yeah, then we could wipe him down with a warm towel afterwards."


Well, maybe that last part was just wishful thinking. But you get the gist.

You understand, though, that the flip side of having had such a colorful, sexual history is that it makes it difficult to trust women. Fellas, how often do you think you've been in the same room with your lady and a guy(s) she slept with?

The answer?

More times than you think.

Thing is, guys typically, are far more respectful in these scenarios than women would be. I guess, in the end, you know as a guy you could end up getting your ass kicked for trying to be cute about it.

The reason men get caught in such situations so frequently is not that they are so dumb, but that women are so damned catty. If you found yourself in such a situation, only the coolest of the coolest chicks could maintain her composure. The average woman would not be able to resist the temptation to make it painfully obvious to your new significant other that she's had a taste of you.

They don't have the same fear of public embarrassment via ass whooping.

She may laugh extra hard at your jokes, or hold your hand a little too long, or touch your shoulder. Things that seem innocent enough to us because our brains don't operate that way. But she might as well describe your dick down to the texture of your pubes as far as your new girlfriend is concerned.

Then you'll be in the car on the way home. She'll be giving you the silent treatment.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"You know exactly what's wrong."

"Honestly, I don't have a clue."

"You fucked her. Didn't you?"

And you'll be thinking, Jesus, did they talk about it in the bathroom?

"Who?"

"You know exactly who I'm talking about. Don't play dumb."

"Oh, her. No, honey, we're just friends."

"Not even once?"

"Never."

"Mm hmm."

More silence.

"Did you give her the warm towel treatment?"



Thanks for reading.

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Innocent Question: Be honest, ladies. How many times have you found yourself in the same room with two or more guys you have slept with? Was it uncomfortable? Did everyone know?