Booty History 101

Okay:

So, the black man's fondness for big, round booties is a well-known, frequently-perpetuated and widely-accepted stereotype.

I, of course, am no exception.

No one told me to like fat asses. My father and I never had any conversations about it. But around the time I started getting erections, I started noticing butts.

It's strange, I guess. Buttcheeks are pretty much useless sexually and often get in the way. But you can't beat the visual.

But this is not to say that women with little understated booties should feel inadequate in some way. Quite the contrary. A big booty is often a red flag for serious weight issues toward middle age. The waist-hip ratio will predictably get out of whack and become something less and less appealing as the years progress. So be encouraged.

Better to be well-proportioned.

The question still remains, however. What is it with the brothers and the booties. Is it innate?

I had the good fortune of running into this brother at a bar this week who broke the whole thing down for me.

We were having a tangential conversation about politics, which led to Barack, which led to Michelle, and, eventually, fat asses.

According to him, and these are not my words, the black woman is like a camel.

Bear with me.

She's like a camel. And when we were in Africa, it was known that the camel stored water in his hump so he could survive in desert climates where water was scarce. In some areas of Africa food was also scarce and droughts were common. It was believed that a woman with a fat ass had nutrients and vitamins stored in her butt, so if there was ever a food shortage, she could live off of what was in her butt. A man knew that if he married a woman with a fat ass, she could survive a famine and help him take care of the family using the auxiliary energy from her ass.

Eventually the small-bootied women died out. Some were spinsters who never gave birth and weren't able to pass on their small booty genes. Some were not able to survive because their asses were too small.

Thus, the black man's desire to find a mate with a fat ass is embedded in his genetic code.

I don't know about you, but this makes perfect sense to me.

Again, ladies.

If you have a small butt, there's no need to worry. Here in America, food is abundant.

If you do have a fat ass, send me your picture in an email attachment.


Thanks for reading.



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Innocent Question: A man with a small penis can suffer from crippling insecurities. Is it the same way with women with their booties? And is it worse because it's difficult to keep your small booty a secret?