Amateur Night

Okay:

So, in case you were wondering, I did not get drunk and make a fool of myself this Memorial Day weekend. I have before. I did not, however, this weekend.

Memorial Day, as far as holidays go, is among my favorites. The weather is usually great, and I cannot refuse a cookout invitation. This weekend I went to friend's cookout around the corner in Brookland.

There, I met the woman I have been destined to meet.

It's rare that I meet women randomly. I'm a busy man, you know. Most of my hook-ups consist of women I know indirectly through friends. So, I was a little bit out of practice with my pickup game. But I put my charm on, ate with my mouth closed and tried not to be the raunchy, uncouth cad that I know I can be when I don't care who's watching.

She was a chocolate cutie with a pretty smile and a nice, well-proportioned booty. And a big basketball fan, which is not necessarily a plus for me. At the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and I hope to be talking to her sometime this week. I'll keep you posted.

My question is, and forgive me for being rusty on the whole I-think-I-like-this-girl tip, what's the proper etiquette for something like this?

I'll be honest. Most of the women I've dealt with since my very messy and painful breakup, have hardly been the type I want to wine and dine. Booty calls, essentially. But I really enjoyed talking to this girl, and I don't want to slip into my typical game and try to coax her into bed too quickly.

Normally I would invite her out for drinks, get her drunk, bring her back to the crib and hope that she's hip enough to know when she's worn out her welcome. How do I get back into the legitimate dating scene after having had so much practice being a whore?

Let's not underestimate the delicacy of such an operation. I've come to learn that catering specifically and almost exclusively to your physical needs is a dark, lonely and dangerous path. But getting out of a pattern of behavior that has been fairly easy, painless and fruitful is more than a notion.

How many days do you wait before you call? What kind of message should you leave if you get the voicemail? These may seem like basic questions, but for all intents and purposes, I'm a beginner here.

Usually I would just be blunt. "Hey baby. What's up with me and you doing the natural thang?"

Seems crass, but believe me, it works 8 times out of 10.

In this particular instance, however, I am uncharacteristically at a loss for words.

And how many dinners exactly do I have to buy this woman before she gives me some? And exactly how much phone time, which I am not a fan of, do I have to put in?

It may turn out that she's not interested at all, which is certainly no biggie. But for future reference, if I do meet a woman who I am interested in, and who's interested in me, and I think there's the potential there for more than just a good nut, what is the current standard courting protocol?

Should I text her a photo of my dick or write her a poem? Help me out here!


Thanks for reading.

SOMETHING NEW: Make sure you download the new "Freestyle of the Week". It's a new feature I'll have posted every Monday (or Tuesday in this case).

And my homeboy Joe D and I will be performing as Dirty Water on June 8th at The Black Cat here in DC, opening for The Cool Kids. If you're in town, make sure you check us out.

Innocent Question: If I talk to her and it seems like she's more interested in busting a nut than getting to know me, should I take her up on it or hold out? (That felt gay typing it).