No Love In Baltimore

Okay:

So, maybe you're wondering how Friday night's gig in Baltimore went. To be honest, I've had better nights.

I've never performed in B-More before, so I was excited and hoping for the best. No such luck. The place was empty, save the performers, who all left after their sets were over. So, by the time Joe and I hit the stage, the only people in the crowd were our managers and the three people I invited.

Sad. I know.

Humorous observations? There are a lot of white thugs in Baltimore. You really don't see too much of that in DC, but the white boys were looking pretty scary out there. Doo-rags and backwards baseball caps sagging pants and what have you.

Also, a lot of interracial loving going on. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But one does take notice when it's so prevalent. Seemed like everywhere I turned it was the goddamn Willises.

So, eventually it was our turn to perform.

The funny part is, so much of our set depends on crowd interaction. And since there was none to be found, I ended up doing a lot of giggling.

"Say 'OH YEAH!'"

(*crickets chirping*)

"A little louder now!!!"

(*several crickets chirping*)

Of course, I had my fair share of scotch and cognac and beer, which helped lend the situation some levity. Before our set began I looked at Joe and said, "Another ten dollar rehearsal."

But, such is the stuff legends are made of. Maybe I'll be describing that night to Conan O'Brien one day. And he'll say, "Wow! You've come from such humble beginnings."

And I'll say, "It wasn't easy, Conan. It sure wasn't easy."

"At any point, did you ever think about quitting?"

"Of course. Sometimes I'd be driving home after a gig, and I'd just put on Sade and weep, y'know. I'd just be weeping."

"I hear ya man. I think I speak for the rest of America when I say we're glad you didn't give up."

(applause)

"Thank you, Conan. And thank you, America. All you special white people out there, searching for the next hip thing to exploit, I'm glad you chose me."

"On behalf of white people everywhere, you're welcome."

(applause)

"Yes, indeed. The cooperative exploitation of myself, with your financial backing, pimping and whoring as it were, has been of great benefit to my entire family. I have successfully moved all of my relatives into safe white neighborhoods where they will no doubt bring down the property value significantly and compromise the integrity of the local schools."

"Which is only fair because of slavery."

"I'm glad you know it, Conan."

(applause)


But I digress.

Baltimore was not good to us on Friday. Not good at all.

But I am sure it is a great town. And I hope they have us back some day.


Thanks for reading.

GOBAMA!

Click here to download the new single: "No Fear" featuring Phonte and Asheru. It includes the Joe D remix, 2 b-sides and video interviews with Cool Cee Brown. FREE FOR A LIMITED TIME.

Confession: I spent the $20 Drunk, Surprisingly-Passionate White Barack Obama Supporter gave me. Times is rough, and Barack is certainly not hurting for cash.